i might be-->a hippie

-->i might be not

i might be a rockstar-->i might be not

i might be a christian-->i might be not

and if i am, i might be an anglican-->i might be not


i might be a family man-->i might be not

i might be a conservative or progressive, liberal or traditionalist-->i might be not


i might be in love with myself-->i might be not

i want so badly to be in love with everyone else--> but i'm likely not


and with every breathevery step every day every beat of my strengthening/weakening heart and each step of my feet that breaks further the knees and the ears that hear every tick of the clock counting downtotheend of a life of adventureandpleasureandsadnessandboredomandlaughterand feastinganddrivingandcrying

and changing my mind! i change again every thought that ever was mine. every thought that i thought never/ever was mine.

i might be dying -->i might be not

and when that happens finally someday

i might be here-->i might be not

what makes me dance

you are the smoke that my lungs need
i am the addict and you're my nicotine.
you are the drink that makes me dance
i, the chicken and you the romance.

i know it sounds kind of wrong to compare you to a vice with a downside
but all i mean is you?re just what makes me feel alright.
and like my friend who needs a bit to make him free,
i’m not quite right without you here.

you’re what makes me me.

The Old Soul

my stomach has a spy in it, i can feel it. he’s working hard to outwit the current regime. he’s trying hard to defeat the American dream. he’s synonymous with the angry teen, you know the kind with growing pains and all the shades of green.

he begs to be fed black label and cigarettes, chocolate cake and steep debts.


fast forward a year-point-five: the spy’s gotten old and fat with a stitch in his side any time he tries to run, but it’s quite alright ‘cause his mission’s been completed

the old soul’s been broken and sucked out.
the old soul’s been broken and stretched out.
the old soul’s been broken

my stomach has a spy in it, i can feel it. he’s got nothing left to keep him lean. i’m crossing my fingers that he’s about to pass, i’m hedging my bets that his time has come at last. he’s kept me empty for quite some time now, like worms feeding, feeding on every tasty treat i try to eat. every last bite i long to eat.

fast forward a year-point-five: the spy’s gotten old and fat with a stitch in his side any time he tries to run, but it’s quite alright ‘cause his mission’s been completed

the old soul’s been broken and sucked out.
the old soul’s been broken and stretched out.
the old soul’s been broken

Don't sleep

my tongue was tied to the god that died on the last night of December 2005.

out with the old, in with the new. i always knew it would happen one day.

and when i settled, when i sat down and decided to live rather than love, and sleep rather than shove straight through the night ‘till there was no more to give, that’s when he died, and she moved in. that’s when i died and let the mud dry my skin.

i am an Indian reservation living casino to casino does she know?

how could she? how could he? where is he? ask. ask. ask. ask. ask. don’t sleep.

hHappy bBirthday

wWhat's with questions?

iI'm asking them now, iI guess, but iI don't understand really. iI used to be one big question, and then somehow, somewhen iI got over it. Plain and simply iI just became okay with living life instead of asking more of it.

Is it time to Ask again?

Is it time to Feel again?

iI've been dry for so long, and all iI want is to be open again.

gGod, if you're real, and even if yYou're not, sSpeak.

iI want to verbalize the emptiness, but iI can't.

or perhaps iI am doing just that through my silence.

but iI want to be prolific! iI want to be 6'4," dark haired, and 180lbs. but here iI sit on a strange bed in a strange place with a strange belly and a strange age.

where did iI come from? and how did iI get here?! this man is completely unrecognizable from the boy iI was not long ago.

black label and american spirits. who would have known?
gGod whispers, "iI knew."
but iI doubt it.

iI think hHe's just as suprised as iI am

hHappy bBirthday.